700 million users. $30 billion in Oracle leases. A chatbot that might reason. OpenAI’s latest flex—GPT-5, dropping next month—promises “advanced reasoning” like a used car salesman swearing this one totally won’t break down. Meanwhile, ChatGPT’s user count (700M weekly) suggests humanity has fully embraced asking AI for homework help and existential crisis management. 🤖💸
The “Superpowers” We Didn’t Ask For
GPT-5’s big trick? Merging reasoning modules into one ~unified~ system—because nothing says “AGI” like duct-taping separate features into a slightly shinier black box. OpenAI’s $13B revenue and 5M business customers prove corporations will buy anything labeled “AI,” even if it’s just autocorrect with delusions of grandeur.
The Real Cost of the AI Arms Race
- $30B/year to Oracle for data centers (because renting silicon is totally sustainable).
- $11.9B to CoreWeave (aka “We host your existential dread”).
- Your sanity, as Google and friends scramble to out-spend each other in a race where the finish line is “maybe it writes emails faster.”
Wellness Features: Because Even AI Needs Therapy Now
ChatGPT’s new “wellness” tools are peak irony—anxiety-reducing prompts from the same company racing toward AGI like it’s a Y2K fire sale. Nothing soothes existential panic like a chatbot whispering, “Have you tried deep breathing?” between hallucinations. OpenAI’s real innovation? Convincing the world that scaling = intelligence. GPT-5 might dazzle boardrooms, but until it stops inventing laws and gaslighting users, maybe pump the brakes on the AGI hype train. 🚂🔥